just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
