Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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