respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
