one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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