I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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