If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
