The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
