I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
