oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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