He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
