Betty ford says i'm here all night
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
