i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
