I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
