dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
