Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
