and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
