No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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