you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
