I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
