i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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