Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
