Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
