She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize