The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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