I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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