my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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