I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
