forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
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I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
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Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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