i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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