Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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