I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
