in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
