Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
"it" just moved
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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