Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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