Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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