You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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