Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
