Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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