he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
