You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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