I'm going to jail i love you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
