birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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