I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
