Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
