Pappa wants mamma naked
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
