Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
