we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
