You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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