i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
