I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
