i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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