Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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