You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
