She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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