I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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