Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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