hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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