you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
