He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
